only four questions of value in life, Don Octavio. What is sacred? Of
what is the spirit made? What is worth living for, and what is worth
The answer to
each is the same: only Love. (From the movie “Don Juan de Marco”)
If you are happily married, totally fulfilled, and
completely at peace with your love life, this article is not for you.
But if you have a longing that hasn’t been met,
then read on!
People can relate lovingly in many ways. They can
be buddies, best friends, lovers, playmates, colleagues, or partners.
Love can flow through all these venues, in various forms and
expressions: empathetic listening, offering gifts, praise, affectionate
touch, intimate union, or simply allowing another to be who they are.
Driven by our innate programming to evolve, we seek fulfillment and
expansion of our potential. How deeply can I lovingly connect with
another human being? How wide the range of connection with her or him?
And what emancipates my capacity to love?
Couple relationships seem to be the richest venue
for experiencing a great spectrum of loving expressions. With our
same-sex friends, we share everything from casual buddy-ship to deep,
intimate friendship. We love children in a way that is closest to the
divine, unconditional love – Agape or Metta.
But only within a couple relationship can a human
connect with another through erotic love, friendship and spiritual love
at the same time. Arguably the most challenging of all types of
relationships, a couple is also the most generous venue for growth in
our ability to give, receive and express love.
The human potential for loving another 100% could
be compared with a piano keyboard. Many people play mostly an octave, by
being ‘just friends’ or ‘just lovers’. Some play even less. A casual
erotic encounter would probably sound like two piano keys played with
two fingers: D, C, D, C, D, C! If speaking in colors rather than sounds,
it would probably be a monochromatic picture. Just buddies: four keys or
two colors. Friends: one full octave and yellow-green. Two people who
connect from Eros to Agape and everything in-between: a full-keyboard
symphony of sound and a full spectrum love! Such two people are
passionate lovers, best friends, life mates and share a deep spiritual
connection of blissful kosmic love. These two people lovingly connect
with each other physically, emotionally, intellectually and spiritually.
As consciousness evolves, culture (the way people
relate to one another) evolves as well. It is only for the past few
years that couples form with the intention of enjoying fulfilling
emotional intimacy. We have evolved from mating solely to have children,
or out of socio-economic or political reasons. We want to feel
appreciated, heard, supported. We want to be able to trust and respect
our partner. We want to have our needs met in our relationship – and
guess what! Our needs are evolving too! Like the donkey who follows the
carrot tied in front of his nose, our needs are just a tad greater than
our ability to meet them in each moment; and in our striving to
fulfillment, we are stretched, and we grow.
There are two major philosophical approaches to
spiritual emancipation: ascension and descension. Those focusing on
ascension are placing their entire focus on spirit and the higher
spheres of existence. The exclusively ascending focused people are the
renunciates, who neglect or deny themselves the worldly ‘goodies’. They
live without material possessions, in celibacy, sometimes withdrawn from
society. They dedicate their entire energy to prayer, meditation,
contemplation, yoga etc.
Those descending in their focus, only consider the
three-dimensional reality of our world. They focus on material
acquisition, environment, science, and everything that has to do with
An integrated human being focuses on both
ascension and descension. Imagine: what is it like to connect to spirit
and function successfully in this world in the same time? To explore
higher states of consciousness, work with Chi and subtle energies,
meditate deeply, open the heart to the infinite kosmic Love, and in the
same time to drive a car, build a house, grow a garden, and be a great
What is it like to enjoy an ‘Intimate Communion’ –
a term coined by David Deida, author of the book with the same name -
where both partners are moved by Love in all its forms and expressions,
from Eros, to Friendship, to Agape and everything in between?
I see love as a force to which the heart can be
more or less open, just like the aperture of the photographic camera.
Love has its own order, which, when respected, allows for its free flow.
In his Family Constellations work, the German systemic therapist Bert
Hellinger noticed that in a couple, when the man stands at the right
hand side of the woman, and the woman at the left side of the man, love
can flow. The man who stands at the right side feels responsible and
protective, and the woman who stands at his left side feels supported
and fulfilled. If you are sensitive to subtle energies, try walking, or
sleeping, or eating with your consort man at the left, woman at the
right, and notice how it feels. Then switch and notice the difference.
While kosmic love is all-inclusive, the human love
discriminates. In a world of duality, of Yin and Yang, the interplay of
masculine and feminine energies in a couple will either restrict or will
magnify the flow of love. Why is it that a woman whose husband fixes the
bathroom leak is more fulfilled in her marriage than the woman who does
it herself? Is there a correlation between how long a marriage lasts and
whether the man is taller, or shorter than the woman? And how is love
affected by who picks up the cheque?
A new breed of lover, skilled and enlightened is
emerging, creating the full-spectrum love experience step by step. What
would you do for a love made in heaven, delightful on the earth?
Join our Monday Meditation Evenings on Love
at the Body-Mind Wellness Studio at 309 Cooper street, 3rd
floor. Attendance is free, registration required. See the calendar at
www.tanasaler.com for detailed information.